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A Healing Letter to a Y.W.A.M.
Friend
"A Healing Letter to a Y.W.A.M. Friend"--the
following letter was written one an a half years after my daughter, Jennifer,
returned from a one year term at the Youth With A Mission's base in Guyana,
So. America. As you read this letter, written to her best friend, you will
sense the compassion that she had for her friend who was deeply hurting
from the situation they had both experienced. Jennifer has very astutely
identified some of the key manifestations of the control spirit which was
devastating the life of the base there. While this letter is written with
much sweetness and grace, I can assure you that Jennifer had already expressed
much pain and anger during the process of recognizing and putting words
to what had happened.
This is the actual letter, as Jennifer wrote it, with the exception
that all the names of individuals have been changed. It is her desire that
others who have been, or are still, in an abusive missions experience,
will recognize the symptoms while reading her letter.
If you have a story to tell and you would like to have the freedom to
tell your story without fear of judgement or condemnation, there's an "icon"
at the end of her letter which will give you direct access to the ChurchAbuseRecoveryCoach.
I would love to listen to your story. It doesn't have to be "nice,"
but what happened to you DOES need to be acknowledged.
---Rebecca Hanson
4 January 1994
Dear Marie, Hi, how are you doing? Hopefully, all is well for you! How
was your trip?
Well, I've been laying in bed for about three hours now and I just can't
sleep. So I'll write you a letter.
A few days ago, I was over at my pastor's house and his wife and I got
to talking about Guyana. I told her some fun stuff--(like the guy who tried
to sell us panties!) And also some stuff that was not so fun. That night
John and I were up ‘till 3:00 A.M. talking about it and the next day with
my Mom, too. Until talking with my pastor's wife I never realized how much
I still hurt. Marie, what happened to us there was WRONG. We were NOT in
rebellion. There was a spirit of control there that tried to crush us .
. . Bob and Kim were walking in it, Harold was, and so was Carol. The confusing
part is that they all manifested this spirit in three ways. (By the way,
before I begin--we are NOT gossiping. That was a lie too--this is simply
speaking the truth--and the controlling spirit hates that.)
Bob and Kim walked in the lie that says: "There must be balance
to grace"--meaning that "Yes, God is loving but . . . do this,
don't do that, rules, rules, rules." WRONG! Grace has no balance--if
you bring in "balance" it's not grace any more--it's conditional--and
GRACE IS UNCONDITIONAL AND TOTALLY UNDESERVED!
Harold walked in the lie of "Peace, Peace"--this means: "as
long as you don't make it a problem--it's not a problem." But telling
people this creates even more problems because we were made to feel we
must be silent and "take it like a good little Christian." That's
like telling a boxer he's bad if he raises his fists, even if only to protect
himself. If there's a need for peace--it's because there IS a problem,
and you can't have REAL peace until you work on and face the problem.
Carol walked in "insecurity"--insecurity actually comes from
pride. She was always striving for leadership, rather than simply walking
in the leadership God had already given her. In order to feel like she
was the leader she had to be in charge of everyone and still in charge
of what everyone did. She had to show people their weaknesses and put them
down so that she could feel better about herself.
All three of these things: * "balance to grace" * "there's
no problem unless you make it one" * "you answer to me because
I'm better than you and I'm your leader" are ALL part of the controlling
spirit.
Satan comes to: * steal your ministry, your passion for missions * kill
your joy * destroy your body
I want to talk about your body. Marie, you lost a ton of weight while
there and if I'm not wrong, you're still not gaining much back either.
I lost a lot too, but never knew how much until talking with my Mom. We
were talking about the time I called her to pray for me because I was losing
so much weight and I knew it was because of the stupid kitchen issue. I
said to her then, "Mom, I'm even afraid to go get an egg!" That
night she prayed and God showed her that there was a spirit of anorexia
over me and that I only weighed 105 pounds. Marie, I believe Satan is trying
to destroy you in this same way and I want to break that curse over you
right now, in the name of Jesus. Do not believe the lie that you are rebellious,
or that you are the problem. One night you cried and told me you felt bad
that I was taking a lot of junk on your behalf. Marie, that was not your
fault.
God showed me last night that one reason He sent me down there, was
because you had taken enough and He wanted you to have a break. And that's
why John came when he did--it was my turn for a break.
You were NEVER at fault--you were righteous in attitude and desired
to be free from this demonic control. You were never the problem--you were
the one who saw and would not accept it.
But, Satan did hurt you and me and we did believe some lies and paid
a price for that. Right now, I'm learning that it's far better to deal
with the past, and that I do hurt, and I need to forgive and I need healing
and I need to reject the lies I believed and accept the truth only.
Marie, I just ask you to pray about this and ask God to heal you too.
I'm praying that you will gain 20 pounds! I love you so much--you and I
were close, so close; BECAUSE WE SAW THE TRUTH.
I want to go on with God, not continue to walk with a spiritual limp
from all this. But continually, I'm reminded of you and I want to see you
healed too!
I have letters to write to Guyana. I need to speak the truth (in love
of course--but still-THE TRUTH). I don't know how or when, but who knows,
maybe God will wake me up to write again another night! Please pray for
me. I don't expect the letters to be received well, but I must speak truth,
because truth brings life.
Marie, I hope this letter brings life to you. May the Holy Spirit fill
you with peace as He brings His healing to you. Don't be afraid to be angry
about what happened. It is righteous anger that God placed in you.
I love you lots, big sister! ---Jennifer
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Rebecca Hanson
E Mail: Chrnalogar@aol.com
http://www.coachcenter.com/RH_Home.html
A Youth With A Mission
Warning
**Restoring Wholeness to the Whole Body of Christ**
"Strengthen
the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths
for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be
healed." Hebrews 12:12&13
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